There they are. Come here you winners (hugs each player, one-by-one…takes a while…some players are wondering how I got into their dressing room in the first place…I think I saw someone calling for security). You baggers have finally done it. I wished for it…and you actually did it. I had doubts…huge ones…Can’t blame me though. Y’all have a brilliant track record of dashing hopes and dreams. But today? You guys were magnificent.
Hey You! That German bloke (Leno). With your chiseled face and fabulous hairdo. You’ve earned my respect so many times…and this game was no different. Too many heart-stopping moments (no thanks to the suspect defending) but you brought me back to life with each save. Lukaku can be crap but he was more than capable of scoring…but then you were there. Thank you for being an actual No. 1…Can imagine how this would have gone if we had that old man in goal.
Where’s Maithland-Niles? Where’s that kid that told Rashford that he is a mortal? (well, he didn’t say that to him…I just imagined that conversation happened every time Rashford couldn’t get past him). I’ve always felt that you could do a better job at RB than Stephan Lichtsteiner. I strongly believe that you will have a career if you stick to developing in that role. There’s another Lauren there…It’s you fam. Keep it up.
Experience is such a wonderful thing. When you have the EXPERIENCE of constantly letting people pass you to score, you will eventually find a way to stop that…and that’s what I saw from the 3 experienced men at the back. Captain Kos! You’re a fighter. I respect your courage to carry on after getting battered by Lukaku. You were lucky though. You had that Greek giant beside you. Sokratis (sounds a lot like Socrates lol). ‘Taking-No-Nonsense’ should be your nickname from now on cos you took absolutely ZERO nonsense. Kept the tackles coming till your high-boot got close to the referee and he rewarded you with the grand prize of a yellow card. Small gesture (I know) but you’re used to that. The balance offered Monreal, my amigo, cannot be over-emphasized. You are a key part of this team. Forget the haters man…you know how to defend.
As for the tank out on the left. Mr Kolasinac (saying your name out loud was easier today…lol…what a difference a result makes) you sucked Dalot in so much that he forgot why he was on the pitch in the first place. After doing that, you kept leaving him for dead to put in cross after cross. Would have loved you to floor Ashley Young though. Just once, just knock him down to the floor. Next time…please…do it.
Rambo! Funny how you’re putting in your best performances now that you’re leaving. You just keeping making that final day more emotional for me. Speaking of emotional, you got Pogba to get emotional every time you got at him. To do that takes a double-act…which brings me to my Man-Of-The-Match. XHAKAAAA-BULA! (that’s what I heard when you blasted the net from distance). That is the most abnormal goal I have ever seen (you’d have to score an abnormal goal to beat De Gea anyway, so credit for finding one). On top of that, you kept getting in Pogba’s face and making him look like 100,000-pound player, rather than a 100-million-pound one.
As for Ozil…look mehn…I’m tired. You cover a lot of ground but it wasn’t really by running. A few neat passes here and there but that was it. Let me ask you…do you really wanna be at this club? Tell us now cos if the team had lost, you would have been the first casualty for the daggers from AFTV. The striking combo of Aubameyang and Lacazette worked to perfection. One was to score while the other was to create highlights (guess who did which). Funny how both of you combined so well…only to get a penalty…cos nothing else came off for you guys. You have to do better next time. We might not get so lucky.
Coach Unai. You have a solid team here Sir. Stop the experiments now. We have found the solution. Just make sure these players do the SAME JOB on Thursday. That’s all I ask. Now, let me take my leave as I’ve seen some security folks headed this way. Good job guys.